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How INTP deals with relationship

 
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eurus



Joined: 24 Mar 2017
Posts: 11

PostPosted: Mon Apr 10, 2017 7:41 pm    Post subject: How INTP deals with relationship Reply with quote

Hi guys, I'm an INFP who have just confessed my love to an INTP. Yet I was turned down, so I am wondering if there was anyone who used to be in the same situation like me.
Here's a little background. We are college classmates for one year and we are close friends. I also believe that I am the closest one to him at the moment, since he is passive, weird, always loves to be alone (and I am attracted to those people idk why) and super kind to me.
We hang out 1-1 together a lot; and we share many things related to dream, life, weakness... He enjoyed teasing me, and I enjoyed taking care of him. We even record our musical instrument for the others (It's a huge effort since it takes us a long time to trust the other). We support each other in school stuff, dream,... and so on. Everyone thinks we are a couple since our personalities and hobbies really fit with each other. I also think he would have the same idea, so I decided to confess with him today.
And things failed.
Well, I admitted my feelings, and he also said he had feelings for me. In fact, he had once said to his friends that I was his ideal girl. Surprisingly, he said he didn't like to start a relationship at the moment, as he wanted to focus more on his career. He said that he was a selfish person that he didn't need anyone to be friends with him, yet he showed confusion when I asked if it was okay for me to stop this friendship. I treasure him like one of my best friends, so I could not stand having such a great guy like him to leave my life suddenly. Since we were indecisive (and selfish), he let me make the decision whether to stop or remain the "vague relationship". We both knew that whatever choices would make me terrible, as I am the ones who have more feelings than him.
In addition, there was one time we had cold war because he mocked me too personally. Despite liking him at that time, I had told him that I considered him as a best friend so I didn't want to fight anymore. Well, he admitted that he had felt upset and disappointed for "best friend" because he expected more from the friend relationship. So I was like urghhh why he is so stupid in love.
In the end, I asked him to stay with me as normal friendship. I clearly clarified with him that having this relationship would bring no harm to our future as we both want to go abroad, and we also have the same expectation of having someone to stay beside. After that awkward conversation, we talked a bit more just like usual before deciding both need to go to sleep.
So you all know the story, and I know I am stupid to decide to continue the vague relationship. But it's just... we're both young; he's a bit immature who thinks too much for himself, while I am the person who would died for love. So... i was wondering if I could change his way of thinking? Any ideas for people who have received confession or confessed to INTP?
UPDATED: Today we are still having normal conversation after the incidents. He actively contacted me first to share about his daily life (I was kind of surprised), and now we just go back with the flow of the vague relationship. ToT
Thank you all TvT I deeply appreciate all of your comments
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